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megastir
Mega means big or large
stir because I like to mix it up
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Thursday, January 29, 2004 :::
In my dreams, She came back to me, put her arms round me and stayed motionless in that position.
But the trouble was that moment could not go on for ever, and I would awaken. I have begun by degrees to be aware of a far-away, involuntary but irresistible feeling that it would be awkward now for me to see her and look her straight in the face.
Why was I scared? I don't know, but I am scared. The thought, too, came into my overwrought brain that our parts now were completely reversed, years before I had once been a crushed and humiliated creature.
And all this came into my mind during those strange minutes in the morning between sleep and wakefulness.
Surely I still wanted to be with her again.
I don't know, to this day I cannot decide, and at the time, of course, I was still less able to understand what I was feeling than now. I cannot get on without obsessing and romanticizing over her and our time together, but ... there is no explaining anything by reasoning and so it is useless to reason.
How I loved her and how I was drawn to hate her back at that time! The one feeling intensified the other.
::: posted by Mega at 8:36 AM
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